Advice for confused single Christian men, part 5
This is the concluding part of a series offering advice to Christian men who are looking to get married. Part one, which sets the scene, is here. Part two, which considers expectation levels, is here. Part three talks about your eyes here. Part four considers God’s responsibility and ours here. This is the last part.
Let’s start with what I haven’t looked at. I haven’t directly addressed the important issue of being someone’s Mr Right, nor have I shared much that I’ve learnt about singleness since getting married (which is actually quite a lot), and of course there hasn’t been anything said about the relative merits of singleness and married life. I’ve said barely anything about being in a relationship either, and there hasn’t been much from a woman’s perspective. Those issues haven’t been the point of this series, but I’m reminding you of them so you’ll keep them in mind too.
Here are a few resources I’ve had a hand in that you might find helpful:
- A preach on loneliness, and another that I helped with on singleness, in the same post.
- Advice on long-distance relationships from a friend of mine.
- If everything I've suggested fails, maybe just try one of these great Christian chat-up lines.I haven’t read many books on this topic, and those I have are a bit hit and miss. It is a big topic, with lots that can be said and quite a lot that shouldn’t be said because God so loves putting variety into our stories. Books that are published have to deal with that (and do so with mixed success), along with running the risk of generational or cultural anachronisms, and falling into legalism in an effort to prevent the potentially-devastating consequences of sin.
Really the best advice I can give is to be part of a good church. There you can meet and learn from married couples who have decades of experience, or are just starting out. As you get to know them, and they know you, you will get personalised advice of a quality that no book or blog could hope to offer. Hopefully this series has shown what a broad perspective God wants us to have in our thinking, holding many truths together like the chariot racer that Chesterton described. Good Christian friendships should help with this.
Let me finish, after so many pairs of truths, with one simple, single truth: you need Jesus the most. Your greatest need is not a wife, your greatest need is to be acceptable in the eyes of Almighty God, who is going to judge the world. If you have put your faith in Jesus, He has rescued you from God’s righteous anger by taking your sin on Himself and dying for you, and He has won you infinite credit by living a perfect life on your behalf. Now you are an adopted, cherished son, with a powerful and loving Father, and the Holy Spirit lives in you as a foretaste of the glorious eternity to come and enabling you to live that life now. That is the most important thing. And as you realise that, realise this too:
If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:31-32)There are two more truths for you to hold together!